Handicapped

The mind is at unrest. An online profile evaluation told me that I am cursed with some abnormality in my left-brain, which allows me to analyze human emotions through even the twitching of muscles on a person’s face. More often than not, unbelievably I have managed to home in on the darkest corner of the mind of a person. And it is not pleasant, revealing secrets that deserve to be left alone. But it is not in my hands. I can’t do anything about it. It happens unconsciously.

People talk about loyalty and commitment. But can even one human being on this earth tell me that he/she has not been emotionally unfaithful. The same applies to me as well and here I am, stuck neck deep in a dilemma trying to reason out my follies. But I do believe one thing that people deserve what they deserve. Contrary to popular belief of me being God, the logic above is simple and do not need divine intervention.

A relationship is actually bondage of need. To explain a bit further, a relationship is a dichotomy. It is not only about handholding, it is about trying to recognize one’s existence and give it a form. Once, a need is fulfilled the inevitable happens. Not every relationship is based on a need theory though. The flutter of a shy eyelash, the fleeting smile- almost surreal, the sudden rush of warmth on the left side of our chests are also relationships, too short to be given meaning to. But these are small jigsaw pieces, scraps that piece our day together. It would be wrong to say that I don’t believe in them, the problem is that I am not alone in my thought.

I love Summer!

Summer was in my room. Summer crossed the mind with sun kissed touches. Summer spoke softly like a child and warmed my heart. I saw summer’s silhouette in the semi crowded street as she walked towards me. The walk changed into a halfhearted trot, the trot changed into a hug. I was high. I was far away. Summer took my hand and we both walked in the cool darkness, towards the light.
Rides in the auto are never complete without a touch of warmth. In the backseat of a rickety old Bajaj three-wheeler, summer’s voice was like a baby’s as she tried to melt the icicles inside. Rationality grappled with doubts, dreams slept with anger but summer opened the curtains to expose the morning.
Summer has a big heart. Summer is beautiful. She shares her dreams with me and together we walk through lush green meadows. Sometimes I get angry on the fickleness of the seasons. She leaves her slippers at my door and disappears for days. I long for her and I wait for her. The minutes tick by and the hours pummel my patience. But still, summer doesn’t come back. I love summer. The stickiness, the beautiful sunsets, the nostalgic evening breezes, the lazy idleness, the sadness, the madness. Summer means love. Summer means longing. Summer means persistence. Wait, my phone is ringing. Must be Summer! Will be back!!!

Once upon a time...well, chuck it

My stay in this world has been a turbulent struggle for existence. Today when I look back in anger, love, disgust and sorrow I see myself walking around, trying to make sense of things. And of all things that have shaped me, love has been the most forceful contributor. I had harbored dreams of perfect love….a perfect heart. Now I feel strongly that the mind is more important. Rationality and practicality are the truest ingredients to even dream of having a family and settling down. Your wish of having a partner of your choice depends on your financial capability. Though I don’t reject this theory outright, but it makes me wonder whether old-fashioned romance really exists. Whether losing your senses in the dark tresses of your beloved is still a cherished moment. I don’t know, but I have come to believe that love is more at home in the human liver than the heart, quite similar to what the medieval pundits used to believe. The simple reason being, money feeds us, food is important for love and the liver digests the food. This might seem like a far-fetched theory but think about it, it might make sense. Perhaps that is the reason I was having such a bad stomach ache last night. Perhaps it is the reason why I don’t trust anyone anymore. Because, the liver can love but trust was martyred in the heart.

Through the centre

The sunlight was fading with unexpected sadness. Yellow was lost in cobalt blue and red was trying to breathe. Dusk was accompanying the night. And separation seemed inevitable.

Rings of smoke spiraled upwards. Smoldering in reddish anger, the tip slowly receded. The fingers were steady. But the mind wasn't.

The man's silhouette leant against the railing of the narrow balcony. Warm skin embraced cold steel. The coldness was like a furry spider. Climbing up the arm, to the shoulder and finally settling in the mind. He shook his head, trying to shake it off. The spider smiled.

Faith was 'Little Red Riding Hood'. An unsaid promise took off its sheepskin.

He was a knight. His armor was rusty. His blade had bloodstains. He had been fighting for centuries. Shielding the castles of his loved ones from the marauding tribes of darkness. It was time for him to take leave. But faith had to be saved. The spider moved, just a little bit.

The army of promises stood in front of him, deadly phalanxes waiting for the order to charge. He took out his sword. His armor creaked. Taking one last look at the moon he let out a battle cry. The phalanxes drew closer in unison, waiting, tensed.

The wind sighed, a raindrop fell and the cigarette dropped from his lifeless fingers.

The night found a solitary spider spinning its web in the balcony. The wet earth whispered nostalgia. And somewhere 'Little Red Riding Hood' wept uncontrollably.